New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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