Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
