walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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