Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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