so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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