Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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