the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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