Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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