I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
We had to coat check the pizza.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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