White coat. Heels.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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