hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
