we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
