Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
