I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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