when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
