I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
