I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
