just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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