You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
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