Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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