You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
