This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
