any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had sex on a roof
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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