The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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