SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
