Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
