I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
