my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize