ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
