my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
