he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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