I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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