Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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