..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
