i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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