MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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