It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
how drunk are you?
Several
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
