well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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