Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
