So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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