there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
