Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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