my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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