he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
