Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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