the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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