Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
