so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
