he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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