how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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