How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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