R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
