just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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