i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
