That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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