I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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