i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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