he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
