TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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