like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
This is my life. Enjoy the view
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
