I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
