I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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