just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
