I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
