Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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