Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
