Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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