Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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