I wish I could teleport
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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