Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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